And doing the work I do, people seem to expect me to be their psychic eyeballs. Something big in the world goes wrong and it's all about them and how it will affect thier little corner of the universe. They pay no thought for how it is affecting ALL OF US and not just them.
Anyway back to today. I found myself wishing I could be oblivious to it all. I wished I was not intuitive, empathic, tuned in to earth and Spirit, or receiving messages. I wish no one knew I did healing or readings some days. It feels like a burden lately. And I am so sick to my back teeth of people wanting me to "see" for them. People who think it's my responsibility to find the way forward and guide them all the time. And these are just people out of the blue...(not my clients whom I cherish because they "get" it! They understand and many of them want things to be better all around) ...like they expect that since I do it I am always "tuned in") "Can you see this?", "What do you feel about..." "Should I go ahead and do...." - what next? "Should I wipe my own arse or have so and so do it??"
It isn't everyone mind you and I have some cherished friends who give so much to the world in the work they do through advice, therapy, counseling, healing...I don't mind them asking me to "tune in" because they will accept there are days I just can't. And they don't abuse it! It's just people who give nothing back, who choose to live in oblivion and not care about anything but their own little corner of the world and make their issues top priority and every one else's "problem". And they do nothing at all to make it better...even in their little corner! But they want everyone else to stop what they are doing and cater to them.
Or those who, I haven't figured out if they are oblivious, ignorant, arrogant, or what..are so "head up their own arses" that they make comments like "Oh I guess Global Warming must be slowing down now (because they didn't get 6 feet of snow this year) ...as another major piece of an ice shelf is cracking off and heading towards oblivion....and several countries are now struggling with drought, and several countries are now having issue with maybe not having enough food because of severe weather (and no these are not 3rd world countries!! Texas announced a bad hit in it's wheat crop for 2009 folks! It's real!) And the thousands who can't get jobs at the moment all over the world...not just in your stinking little corner of it in Bum Feck nowhere. So pardon me if I have not much sympathy for someone who had to go on benefits and can't afford thier luxury nail treatments for a while or can't go to the pub every other night while other families are struggling to keep food on their tables who ARE working!
I am not a "doomsayer" and quite frankly I don't agree that it's the End Of The World As We Know it. It's called change. It's called Mother Earth cleansing herself and expelling the eons of crap we have spilled down her throat. And yes it will be catastrophic in some ways...but with it will come a new beginning. I don't see 2012 being the end all of it all either.....
I got off track again. Ok so I have my own little life stuff going on and I can cope there. I have people around me bombarding me with their stuff on top of my stuff...ok less easier to cope. I also have the crappy "feelings", tenseness, knowing something is going to happen, seeing things unfolding and not being able to stop them...feeling it's on my shoulders to "DO" something because it's why I am here on this path (and in my heart I want to help where I can!) but not knowing what to do. And I feel sooo tired of it lately. Some of you are probably saying "So just stop doing it"
WRONG ANSWER! I CAN'T! I can't flick a switch and make it go away. I can't bury my head in the sand and ignore what is happening all around me. What I want is to be able to refocus my energy back on the things that matter, that will make a difference. Giving someone some spiritual advice that opens their eyes and makes them want to fight for themselves again rather than being asked to "see" what someones ex is doing that left them 6 years ago. How is that healthy and helpful??? I want to continue to do the energy work I do like "firing the grid" and helping people release those blocks that keep them from being their true selves!
My nerves feel like they are stretched to breaking point...and that's not even due to my own day to day stuff I am coping with...and I say coping because my own stuff is not really bothering me so much! Do you know I have had 3 repetitive dreams about the singer Peter Gabriel dying??? Yeah...I see a newspaper with big black letter saying "Singer Peter Gabriel has died" - And if he actually does...what was the point of me dreaming it??? Are my own guides now messing with me?? If he doesn't no big deal...must have been some bad cheese before bed...
How do I find that balance again to be able to help and do the work I so love without getting so damn frustrated with the pettiness, arrogance, and ignorance around me? I seem to not be getting answers lately from my guides...heh here's a thought...maybe they feel about me the way I feel about other people!? That's an eye opener. So maybe them stepping back is their way of forcing me to find a way to create balance so I am in control again....I just want to sleep :(
I must sound mental...but boy do I feel better now..
Gosh Boo ... that was some rant. I do agree with you though. People can be so focused on themselves that they dont see the wider picture emotionally or globally. Being drained by others is so horrid, and there must be a breach in your personal boundary. Have you read or heard any law of attraction stuff - Abraham - its great stuff. Its help me 'allow' people to be who they are but choose not to have their negative aspects impact on my experience of life. I think you have an extraordinary gift of reading the collective unconscious and like so many extraordinary people with such a gift its a danger to become alarmed by the 'negative' messages - or messages that disturb. I have found that retuning the brain by affirmation and conscious creating will allow the net to be cast a little wider so that we notice the positive messages too. That may be helpful - it may not - I am happy to offer my own thoughts about it.
ReplyDeleteI shall watch out for announcements about Peter Gabriel - or perhaps this is not about him but about what he represents to you. Take care
What you say makes a lot of sense. Normally, I am more tuned in to the positive and can filter out the mundane negative I pick up. It's when there is a build up of negative "pressure" that it starts to seep in and then the alarm bells go off in my head (this is linked to past experiences that have caused this before)
ReplyDeletePeter Gabriel - I have no idea what he means to me on a personal level. I have pondered that one for a bit now but I get nada.
I would love to hear your thoughts though on stuff like this :)