Rediscovering the Inner Boo

Manifesting and the Law of Attraction - "Why isn't it working for me??"

2009-09-27T04:13:00.001-07:00

Since the movie "The Secret" (and for many of us, well before that) we have seen so much information and hype regarding the Law Of Attraction. And while many of us understand the concept behind manifesting our desires, we still find it difficult to get the things we want. I have heard many people say "Oh that just doesn't work!" Your right! With that outlook it won't! You have already set yourself up for failure without even trying.

The Law Of Abundance starts from within, our internal scripting, our core beliefs. And if you want your life to change then you have to change along with it. the first step is taking responsibility for why your manifesting is not working. It's not down to other people! it's down to you! Here is an example:

A couple decide to try this Law Of Attraction thing. One is all for it, the other is skeptical of it. But they try it nonetheless. After a week of one putting all their effort into it and nothing happening, tension ensues. One partner blames the other for blocking their intention work withtheir own negativity, placing the blame on someone else. OK stop right there! The person doing the blaming has not grasped a big lesson in manifestation work. YOU ARE IN CONTROL! NO ONE CAN BLOCK YOUR PROGRESS....unless you let them. If manifesting work could be easily blocked by negativity then none of us would be able to do it because you are always going to have negative people out there. Does that mean that all those naysayers can block our manifestation work? NO!

By placing the blame on someone else's negativity, you have just done what you tell others not to do. You have given your control away. You have set up a negative vibe of "Won't work because..." and in the back of your mind you are sending negative thoughts to the Universe without even realizing it. Everyone doesn't have to be "on board" for it work. It's not about converting people tobelieve. Manifestation work is about you and your relationship with the Universe , your creation partner. All you do by blaming others is create a negative atmosphere for the other person who then feels they don't want to bother. Show by example! You will get more people to work with you effectively if you show YOU can do it.

the biggest block I found in manifestation work revolves around feelings and the emotions. You have to FEEL that you already have what you want. If you are sending out a message in desperation like "I NEED more money" you are only creating a vibe of lack, which is what the Universe picks up. You see our good old creation partner will do everything it can to get us what we want. But they only work on feelings, not words. So when you ask for more money but send that "lacking" vibe, guess what your gonna get back?

Ok, it's not easy to sit there and feel you are financially stable when you have bills to pay, I know this from experience. And this is where many people hit a brick wall and give up. But it is so very important to do this because we then start changing an inner script inside of us. We start looking at things more positively over time and when we aren't all stressed out by our thoughts of lack, we become calm, and then we can see what is going on around us a bit better.

So back to feeling the emotions. Get rid of the words "NEED, WANT, HAVE TO" - they just indicate lack. Instead of "I need more money" change it to "I choose to experience a continual flow of abundance and am thankful for all I do have". BUT, you need to put the emotion behind it for the Universe to pick up and send back. It won't help if you state this and don'tbelieve it. So picture yourself receiving what you asked for and how it feels to have it. That's right! Feel like you have all you need andbelieve it!

Ever notice how quickly the bad things we don't want seem to manifest? Do you not realize how quickly the good things can manifest as well? Problem is so many of us are too focused on the WHEN and HOW of it. Which brings me to the next lesson I learned.

It is your job to be the master creator. And it is the Universe's job to be the one who makes it all work! When you try to picture how it will happen you limit the possibilities of manifesting. So if you are saying "I choose to have money for my vacation through a bonus in work" You have just limited your creation partners means of getting that cash to you! Now if you would have said "I choose to have money for my vacation" just like that, this opens the doors for more ways for it to happen.

Act like you have what you want as well. If you are wishing for more abundance but depriving yourself of things then again you are sending out that lack vibe. I don't mean go out and blow your savings here either. Just don't be afraid to turn on the heating because you don't know how the bill will be paid. Turn it on and know that it will be taken care of when it is time.

Sometimes we focus on something we think we need. But deep down we sabotage ourselves because it's not what we really want. For example a person taking a job that deep down doesn't make them happy but it's what they feel the should do. And over time things don't go right in that job because deep down it's not what they wanted. The emotion to succeed is not there. So make sure the things you are asking for are truly things you desire!

Another problem is fear. Fear of success, of lots of money, etc.. Write down the thing you desire. Write down all the good stuff you will get out of having this thing. Then write down the possible drawbacks. those are your blocks. For example:

"I choose to experience a successful career" - what are the fears that come from that? Too much responsibility. Longer and harder hours maybe? Or maybe you fear letting others down if it doesn't work out? So you get to a point where some change or project can bring you success and then it falls apart at the last minute. Why? Because you imagined your desire up to this point and then the fears kicked in! Change those negatives into something more positive to add to your desire. "I choose to experience asuccessful career with my own hours, easy and fun projects, and I know those I love will be proud of me. In fact they already are" (That last sentence just reinforces that it doesn't matter what happens, you already have what you desire)

The thing to remember is that The Law Of Attraction is not going to be a magical overnight change. You have to change a bit here too. The one thing that changed my experiences and feelings toward manifesting was a book a friend told me to buy. When she told me about it I was like "Oh no not another book on the Law Of Attraction" but she insisted. And while I thought about it the book got mentioned a few other times so to me that was a sign. And I bought it. And it really changed how I saw things. I realized I was missing an integral part of manifesting and this book gave examples and broke it down into bits I could understand! I got excited about it! I started practicing and got immediate results with the little tests I was doing.

The book is called "Excuse me, your life is now" by Doreen Banaszak.(http://www.your-life-is-now.com/)

I got mine on Amazon for a fiver but it is worth its weight in gold to me!

New Blog - ShadowFae Tarot

2009-06-12T02:40:00.001-07:00

I decided to start a new blog called ShadowFae Tarot. My first series of posts are for beginner Tarot readers! Come check it out

http://shadowfaetarot.blogspot.com/

Boo turns 40!

2009-06-03T04:51:00.001-07:00

Thats right! Today is my 40th birthday! And I embrace it with love, hope, and a sense of adventure. Too often I have heard people moan and groan as they approach their 40th birthday. They say turning 40 is one of the key psychological milestones in a person’s life, when they re-evaluate where they have been, where they are, and evaluate who they are and where they want to be going. And it has, indeed been a time of reflection for me lately as well. I had quite a journey since last year and have come pretty far.

I'm still not sure what I want to be when I grow up but I do know it involves being happy and helping others while still keeping my boundaries.

I don't fret at the thought that I am 40 and single anymore. I learned, over the past few months, that I have many people who love me and that means so much more. Companionship will eventually come.

For now I look forward to what this new chapter in my life holds and what new stories I can write for myself.

Bring it on Universe!

Dream Thread...

2009-04-23T02:23:00.000-07:00

I have been pondering starting a kind of dream thread for myself just to keep track of some of the more prominent ones I get from time to time. Sometimes it just helps to write it down and then look at it again - I can see something that I didn't see before.

You can find it here: http://boosdreams.blogspot.com/

The Mental Breakdown of an Intuitive/Empath...yes we have them too

2009-04-08T06:47:00.000-07:00

I came home after another tiring day of tedious appointments and errands. For the past week I have felt "on edge". In tune with something far bigger than myself and my own little situations and activities. This is not unusual. Being who I am and what I am...I get it a lot. You should have been around me a few days before 9/11 happened...or the morning of...before it all blew up (no pun intended there). I was desperate to keep my family home and indoors because I felt this impending doom and could not fathom why.

And doing the work I do, people seem to expect me to be their psychic eyeballs. Something big in the world goes wrong and it's all about them and how it will affect thier little corner of the universe. They pay no thought for how it is affecting ALL OF US and not just them.

Anyway back to today. I found myself wishing I could be oblivious to it all. I wished I was not intuitive, empathic, tuned in to earth and Spirit, or receiving messages. I wish no one knew I did healing or readings some days. It feels like a burden lately. And I am so sick to my back teeth of people wanting me to "see" for them. People who think it's my responsibility to find the way forward and guide them all the time. And these are just people out of the blue...(not my clients whom I cherish because they "get" it! They understand and many of them want things to be better all around) ...like they expect that since I do it I am always "tuned in") "Can you see this?", "What do you feel about..." "Should I go ahead and do...." - what next? "Should I wipe my own arse or have so and so do it??"

It isn't everyone mind you and I have some cherished friends who give so much to the world in the work they do through advice, therapy, counseling, healing...I don't mind them asking me to "tune in" because they will accept there are days I just can't. And they don't abuse it! It's just people who give nothing back, who choose to live in oblivion and not care about anything but their own little corner of the world and make their issues top priority and every one else's "problem". And they do nothing at all to make it better...even in their little corner! But they want everyone else to stop what they are doing and cater to them.

Or those who, I haven't figured out if they are oblivious, ignorant, arrogant, or what..are so "head up their own arses" that they make comments like "Oh I guess Global Warming must be slowing down now (because they didn't get 6 feet of snow this year) ...as another major piece of an ice shelf is cracking off and heading towards oblivion....and several countries are now struggling with drought, and several countries are now having issue with maybe not having enough food because of severe weather (and no these are not 3rd world countries!! Texas announced a bad hit in it's wheat crop for 2009 folks! It's real!) And the thousands who can't get jobs at the moment all over the world...not just in your stinking little corner of it in Bum Feck nowhere. So pardon me if I have not much sympathy for someone who had to go on benefits and can't afford thier luxury nail treatments for a while or can't go to the pub every other night while other families are struggling to keep food on their tables who ARE working!

I am not a "doomsayer" and quite frankly I don't agree that it's the End Of The World As We Know it. It's called change. It's called Mother Earth cleansing herself and expelling the eons of crap we have spilled down her throat. And yes it will be catastrophic in some ways...but with it will come a new beginning. I don't see 2012 being the end all of it all either.....

I got off track again. Ok so I have my own little life stuff going on and I can cope there. I have people around me bombarding me with their stuff on top of my stuff...ok less easier to cope. I also have the crappy "feelings", tenseness, knowing something is going to happen, seeing things unfolding and not being able to stop them...feeling it's on my shoulders to "DO" something because it's why I am here on this path (and in my heart I want to help where I can!) but not knowing what to do. And I feel sooo tired of it lately. Some of you are probably saying "So just stop doing it"

WRONG ANSWER! I CAN'T! I can't flick a switch and make it go away. I can't bury my head in the sand and ignore what is happening all around me. What I want is to be able to refocus my energy back on the things that matter, that will make a difference. Giving someone some spiritual advice that opens their eyes and makes them want to fight for themselves again rather than being asked to "see" what someones ex is doing that left them 6 years ago. How is that healthy and helpful??? I want to continue to do the energy work I do like "firing the grid" and helping people release those blocks that keep them from being their true selves!

My nerves feel like they are stretched to breaking point...and that's not even due to my own day to day stuff I am coping with...and I say coping because my own stuff is not really bothering me so much! Do you know I have had 3 repetitive dreams about the singer Peter Gabriel dying??? Yeah...I see a newspaper with big black letter saying "Singer Peter Gabriel has died" - And if he actually does...what was the point of me dreaming it??? Are my own guides now messing with me?? If he doesn't no big deal...must have been some bad cheese before bed...

How do I find that balance again to be able to help and do the work I so love without getting so damn frustrated with the pettiness, arrogance, and ignorance around me? I seem to not be getting answers lately from my guides...heh here's a thought...maybe they feel about me the way I feel about other people!? That's an eye opener. So maybe them stepping back is their way of forcing me to find a way to create balance so I am in control again....I just want to sleep :(

I must sound mental...but boy do I feel better now..

Wycked Red is back!

2009-03-27T03:10:00.000-07:00

Yes, I've done it again! Went and changed my hair colour back to what is first was...deep dark vampire red. I feel more like me now. I seem to have gone through an identity crisis of sorts over the past year, changing my look and the way I wanted to project myself to the world. The black hair was during a time I felt dark, spooky, mysterious, and troubled. Then one day I looked at myself and said...that's not me anymore. I want something mellow and vibrant. So I went with that bronzy brown, summer look. Yeah that was ok but I still felt it wasn't who I was. In the end I came back to what I have been all these years. Vibrant, a bit crazy, fun, mysterious, spiritual, and beautiful...inside and out!

Look out world...Wycked Red is back!

Just "BE"

2009-03-01T04:53:00.000-08:00

I had one of those epiphany moments at my therapy session recently. One of those moments where you realize something profound that changes the way you see yourself and the world around you. You probably could hear the "pop" of me pulling my head out of the sand and seeing the light for the first time in ages.

You see I spent a good chunk of my life searching for something. Searching for a purpose, my purpose...my reason for being here. As if I had to prove my worth to exist on this planet. Funny thing is, I could never stand other people who HAD to have a goal, a purpose, a direction. I mean having those things is great! Don't get me wrong. It's when it becomes an obsession and a person can never be happy with just "being".

I know so many people who are always running their lives at break neck speeds, never stopping, never enjoying the beauty of everyday life. So focused on their goals and not failing that they let time, people, love, and joy pass them by. So what if you fail! It's the journey there, the experiences that count. I have always been surrounded by people who had to have a purpose, a career, a major life goal, and those same people would look down on me because I really didn't know what I wanted. I had no real goal. I just wanted to be happy!

And that is the epiphany - what if my purpose on this earth is just that...to be happy? To be my Mom to my little boy? To cherish those special moments, appreciate the little things. To be happy within and let my inner light glow and spread to all those I touch in life. Even if it is only to make a stranger I pass in the street smile by saying hello! Even better...let people bask in the glow of my own inner peace and happiness! And in turn they look within and realize something special about themselves, and they smile, and continue the process of passing on that little gift....now THAT is wonderful purpose. And the great thing is...I don't have to sacrifice my life, happiness, stability to do this. I don't have to rush, fret, stress, or worry about failing!

All I have to do is BE....

Change is good...eventually

2009-01-19T00:57:00.000-08:00

I woke up one day last week and looked in the mirror. I saw my black hair and a tired and wan complexion that the black hair did nothing for. I decided then that I wanted a change. My look was not matching the happy, vibrant, ready for spring person on the inside. Something brighter and natural...woodsy. I had my hair red for years, had the black for a few months....hmmmm. Off to Boots! I never knew there were so many shades of one colour! I settled for a golden, chestnutty brown. And so the circus began....

I get home, slap the dye on my head, sit around like a boob for 30 minutes, wash it out...and it's still black...with light brown roots...errr...oops. Back to Boots! We need some colour stripper or pre-lightener here. So one box of pre-lightner and more brown dye and off we go again. Let me warn you now that pre-lightener stinks to high heaven! And I had to leave it on my head for almost an hour. The result ...a ginger colour that was green tinged...oh my! Green is so not me!

So with a bit of hope I slepped the brown dye on praying it would get rid of the green as well. Nope! It was chestnut bright with a slight green tinge...oh my! Now what? Thankfully a friend knew what to do. Off to Sally's Beauty supply to get some proper colour remover that does not strip your hair...just removes the colour....and more brown dye of course (I am thinking at this point it would have been cheaper to just get it done professionally...but I am an adventurous sort).

Thankfully it all went well and I finally had a proper colour. But my hair was fried. So I treated myself to a new hair cut and I am loving the look!

Curiosity can be a....curious thing

2009-01-09T04:33:00.000-08:00

Dating! Yes that is where my curiosity started leading me. Oh not to date myself! Just dating in general. Well I guess it relates to myself in a way. I am single. I have had no desire to date really because the whole idea of going through meeting people, weeding out the morons and goobers, and then trying to carry on from there....shudder. And any time I do get an inkling towards dating because I may feel a bit lonely..all I need to do is look at a dating site. Which brings me back to my curiosity...

So I get one of those e-mail adverts from a dating site "Meet millions of gorgeous and available singles...yadda yadda"

"Hmm", says Sherry's brain on a bored and lonely Friday night. "Let's have a look at what's out there" and off we go. Most of these sites let you have a peak of people who match your criteria (I noticed they never have a "normal" option as part of the criteria!) Some you have to create a basic profile which you can thankfully hide from the populace. And that was the one I wandered onto. Now creating a profile in itself is an effort of biblical proportions! "Describe my perfect match??" No such thing as perfect..can I opt for sane, normal, and somewhat interesting?

Describe yourself - love that bit. First you have some tick boxes like "sex" (Helloooo!? Would I BE here if I was getting any??? ...oh you meant gender) "Your body type" (ermmm), "children" (yes please, crunchy with ketchup!)...etc..

But the part I always stumble upon...the description of myself. I usually give up at that point because I am unexplainable.

On to the search. Let's see what this site considers my perfect match. And this is the good part...every one of them is bald, fat, looks like my granddad, looks like a psycho, or looks like a wurzle (Did I stumble on datingwales.co.uk ??) and almost all of them are heavy drinkers. Reading the profiles is even better! They list all these grand attributes they want in a mate, yet a good chunk of them have very little to offer in return. (Some of the women are even scarier!)

But what really did it for me..what really made me appreciate being single...was the following advert:

Looking for my Bitch

Aussie male seeking his woman who would act like a Dingo Bitch

WTF?????

...I think I will stick with the TV. Damn my curiosity!

Speaking of the joys of the holidays...

2008-12-23T07:11:00.001-08:00

So many people I have talked to are stressing about the family gatherings! I remember those. Everyone gets together. There is always a doddering old aunt or Nana. A black sheep. A holier than though individual who is not even in control of their lives but knows what everyone else needs. The drunken uncle who gets silly and embarrassing but makes you laugh. the other drunken uncle/brother-in-law/nephew who gets drunk and belligerent. And a myriad of other individuals that get thrown into the pot and have the potential to create an explosion of biblical proportions that will be gossiped about for months later! ("Which one are you Boo?" you ask...ha! I will never tell...baaaaah)

I don't have to deal with any of it! YEAH ME!!! It is just me and my son. My family lives in the USA. I live in the UK. I miss them surely. But I don't miss the holiday stress. I have created a magical and fun plan for Xmas eve for me and my 10 year old and we can't wait! Lot's of hors' d'oeuvres, mini cakes, fizzy wine for me and fizzy cider for the boy so we can toast each other and what we have. My son is great company for a 10 year old. he has the sarcasm and humour of an adult yet the childlike wonder of..well a child! He makes me laugh!

And I am proud of myself this year. I managed to pay the bills and I managed Christmas with no help from anyone. I did it myself! Good thing to because everyone around me has screwed up their Xmas. I thought, many months ago, that Xmas would be sad and gloomy because I had no one....boo hoo. And then I realized that I didn't need to be in a relationship to make a happy Christmas! Hell how many Christmases in a relationship were ruined by fights, humbugs, and stress??? No this year was calm, organized, happy! And I am looking forward to tomorrow like a child would. I can't wait till my son goes to bed so I can play Santa and stuff the stockings, put presents under the tree, and make sure Santa eats his treats that we will leave out for him. then we will get up at stupid O'clock in the morning and revel in the opening of presents, the popping or poppers and confetti, and a lovely breakfast!

Sounds pretty good!

On what planet???

2008-12-23T07:00:00.000-08:00

Do people think it is ok to drag you into their own drama and disrespect your privacy and personal boundaries?? I seem to be encountering that a lot lately. It started with "friends" who seemed to think that just because I don't piss and moan about my life and some of the obstacles I have faced, that my life must be better than theirs. And in that misconception they think it is ok to dump their issues on my doorstep. Then when I place boundaries or don't accept their issues, and place that responsibility back on them...they get angry! They huff off and call you a bad friend! Actually a good friend is someone who doesn't fix it for you but tries to help you find the tools to fix it yourself, thus making you a stronger individual.

Today though was the icing on the cake for me. I have been single since May and restructuring and healing my life after a relationship collapsed. A couple, two mutual friends, seemed to think it was ok to dig up "dirt" on my ex and present this to me in the beginning. I told them at that time that his past "dirt" was not my problem, nor were the situations that some people seemed unable to get over. One of these included a child in question which one side says is his and another side says is not. HEY FOLKS! It's called a DNA test...solves all your queries!

Anyway at that time these people tried to drag me into that drama, insisting I should meet this ex person of his and I told them then, that I had no interest, and wanted nothing to do with it. It had nothing to do with me. Things went quiet.

then today I find a message from said ex female asking me for my ex's details so "his daughter" could meet him because she was "desperate" to meet her Daddy. One wonders why now? And how is a 5 year old desperate to meet a man she does not know unless the adults involved had a hand in it? I then found it was said mutual friends who encouraged her to contact me, after I told them i wanted no part. I was furious! On what planet do you disrespect a persons boundaries and privacy like that. On what planet do you try to drag a woman, who is healing from the demise of a relationship amongst other things, into a pissing match that has nothing at all to do with her!?

So I sent a message back to all parties and made it clear: Do not involve me. I am not with him anymore. His past discrepancies, if they are true, have nothing to do with me. You want closure, contact child services and get a damn DNA test! But most importantly....get on with your life and leave me out of it!

Ah the joys of the holidays!

I've gone poetry mad!

2008-12-22T11:52:00.000-08:00

Just felt like posting some of my old work :)

I haven't written a poem in some time though. When I think about it, I used to write poems when I was feeling down or at my worst. But never at my happier moments. Why is that I wonder....

Alone with you

2008-12-22T07:18:00.000-08:00

Alone with you

Every shadow holds your presence
Every breath whispers your name
Cloaking me in your darkness
But not shielding me from my pain

Pulling me down to the bottom
To the depths of my torn soul
Chaining me to this past you left
Leaving but never letting go

Alone, all of these years
With you, all of these tears
You've been there all along
Yet alone I've walked on

Copyright © 2003 Sherry R. Macbeth (Shadowfae)

My Final Stand

2008-12-22T07:13:00.000-08:00

I watch the clouds go drifting by
Dark shadows in the sky
A thought of you drifts through my mind
It makes me want to cry

I would have given you the world
But your heart lies not with me
I didn't want to leave you
But I couldn't make you see

It wasn't for another
That I took my final stand
When I reached out to hold you
You wouldn't take my hand

I tried to free your heart
From the walls you built around
Then I slowly watched this dream
Come crashing to the ground

I would have given you my life
And sacrificed my own
But if this is a one way ride
I'd rather ride alone

I need to heal this aching heart
And mend my broken soul
I need to grasp my sanity
And make myself a whole

So my choice is made today
With a pain you'll never know
I journey down my chosen road
Knowing I walk alone

Copyright © 1992 Sherry R. Macbeth (Shadowfae)

The Dance

2008-12-22T07:09:00.001-08:00

I venture on as the sun sinks low
Steps quick and light as I near home
The lights in the distance call to me
As night envelopes all I see

Off in the distance a beating drum
Matches the rythym of my own heart
There in a meadow the dance has begun
I feel so near yet so far apart

My friend my journey has been long
But thoughts of you have kept me strong
I've joined the dance, my journey is through
I've found my way, for the love of you

Deep in the darkest mist of night
Spirits of earth take full flight
There I dance in the pale moonlight
Free as the spirits, one with the night

Copyright © 1996 Sherry R. Macbeth (Shadowfae)

Mother Bring Me Home

2008-12-22T07:03:00.000-08:00

Mother Bring Me Home

I left those shores so long ago
Vivid mem’ries of her face
The land I call my Mother
How I long for her embrace

I’ve traveled o’er this wretched globe
My feet grow tired, my body old
I long to lay my weary head
Amongst those mossy stones

Mother bring me home
For here I don’t belong
My heart and souls’ been aching
Now for far too long
A beggar I would be
If I could only see
Those bonnie hills and moors
Oh, Mother bring me home

Remembering rainy days I’ve spent
Watching mists that had been sent
O’er the hills and through the glens
I’d walk the mighty river bends

Heathered fields where I did roam
Oh, how I miss my ancient home
I hope each night before I sleep
I’ll wake and there I’ll be

Mother bring me home
For here I don’t belong
My heart and souls’ been aching
Now for far too long
A beggar I would be
If I could only see
Those bonnie hills and moors
Oh, Mother bring me home

Copyright © 2001 Sherry R. Macbeth (Shadowfae)

The Mirror

2008-12-22T07:02:00.001-08:00

I look upon your face my friend
Not recognizing what I see
Your a shadow of yourself
Of what you used to be
Your eyes, so sad and empty
Your soul, so cold and dark
There used to be life in those eyes
There once was faith in your heart
And the smile has gone from your lips!
Please, tell me what I might do
To bring back your happy laughter
And the joy that you once knew?
You've grown so pale, like a fading ember
You used to shine brightly, try to remember!
What has this world done to you
To cause you so much pain?
You used to love dancing
In the warmth of the summer rain
Who was it that hurt you
That stole away so much hope?
That you drift through this life
Not knowing quite how to cope
But alas, there's nothing left I can do
This, I see, could not be clearer
And with a sigh I sadly turn
Away from the face in the mirror

Copyright © 1998 Sherry R. Macbeth

The Light & Dark Within

2008-12-22T07:01:00.001-08:00

The Light & Dark Within

Within me there is light
Radiant and alive
But without the darkness
The light can not survive

Balanced on a razors edge
entwined like an eclipse
faintly shining, lightly shadowed
and then the scale it tips

Today perhaps I will wake
Feel life coursing through my veins
Yet something inside is missing
My shadow self remains

Perhaps tomorrow I will find
The light has pierced my soul
And seek the comfort of shadows
But again I am not whole

To find the perfect balance
To end the struggle within
There is no love without
Until love inside can begin

Copyright © 2003 Sherry R. Macbeth (Shadowfae)

Winter Solstice - A Time of Inner Reflection

2008-12-22T04:24:00.001-08:00

I was sent this excercise a while back and have found it so helpful. It took me a day to finish this due to a lot of thinking, pondering, and realizations. But it was well worth it so give it a try!

Winter Solstice -The time when darkness or night is the longest. In that deep expanse of night, it is time to reflect on your life. To review the previous year - or your whole life as I have been doing.

It is time to savor the good, mourn the loss of things that have passed, and let go of deep held memories, fears, beliefs, judgments, and expectations of how your life is, how you are, even what is possible.

Winter Solstice Exercise of Inner Reflection

Get out a piece of paper or your journal and reflect with me right now. The more time you spend with this, the more you will gain from the exercise. Don't put it off. This moment may not come again.

Close your eyes and ask God, your Higher Self, and/or your Guides to assist you in understanding and gaining the most from this time of inner reflection.

What are you right now? Who have you become?

What are your gifts?

What are your strengths?

What are your passions?

What brings you joy?

What brings you sorrow? Why?

What continues to elude you?

What continues to cause you distress?

Who are your friends? Have you told them how much you appreciate them?

Who are your enemies? Are they real or imagined? Do you actually have any at all? Could they simply be people showing you the shadow side of yourself or the things you judge? Give thanks for what you are gaining by having them in your life.

What is your greatest accomplishment or triumph this year? This life? What are the strengths you exhibited in order to accomplish it? Have you given thanks?

What was your biggest failure this year? This life? Was it really a failure? Or was it your soul's way of setting you onto another path? Can you forgive yourself and the circumstances surrounding this so called failure? Can you see the beauty in what you have learned from having this experience? Can you see the strengths and insights you have gained? Can you actually give thanks about this?

What are you most proud of this year? This life?

What are you most ashamed of this year? This life? Can you forgive yourself about this?

What is your deepest regret this year? This life? Why do you find it so upsetting?

Who are the people that you are ready to let go of? Are there people that make you feel less than, unworthy, guilty, sad, angry, or something else you would rather not feel? Express gratitude for having them in your life and then be prepared to let them go.

What are the situations that you are ready to let go of? Are there circumstances from this past year, or even further back, that you hold onto that are no longer serving you? Can you let them go.

What was your happiest moment this year? This life? Remember it in full technicolor. See it. Feel it. Hear it. Remember it as best you can and anchor it into who you are now. Savor the happy moments. Remember them. Feel them once again.

Feeling happy and at peace will assist you in experiencing many more happy moments in life.

Savor the good. Let go of the rest.

Namaste
Sherry

So what is the "inner Boo"?

2008-12-12T02:19:00.000-08:00

See I got all sidetracked there and forgot to answer the most important question - the title of my blog - Re-discovering the inner Boo.

I am on a journey to get back to the real me. Over the years I have lost pieces of myself, buried them, put them on a shelf where they have collected dust. I did this to be what others wanted me to be. I wanted to be "accepted". One day I realized the cost of this though. I had lost who I was. I had lost the inner Boo. So I embarked on a journey to find those missing pieces and have been moving forward ever since. Each day has been like a new discovery. Some have been a battle, others joyfully accepted. I have learned, and am still learning, that it is ok to be me!

The Skeptic and the Spiritualist - my dual personality

2008-12-12T02:04:00.000-08:00

Maybe it goes with the territory of being a Gemini. But, even experiencing all I have of the paranormal nature, I still have a skeptic within me as well. Maybe that is what keeps me balanced and fair in the work I have done? I worked with a few paranormal groups over the years and have played both roles - the skeptic who tried to find natural causes, the intuitive medium who listened to the messages and feelings.

I am like that with everything though. I don't just jump in with both feet when I come across a new idea or view. My most recent experience happened when I was introduced to Sacred Geometry technology and a group called the Wish for L.O.V.E team. Law Of Vibrational Energy - that's what L.O.V.E stands for. I always had an interest in sacred geometry and for months it was in my face in many odd ways. So I took this as maybe my guides were trying to tell me something? Then, a month ago, a friend of mine, e-mailed me all excited about this 2 dimensional technology called Sacred G. basically they are 23x17 posters with an intricate pattern of the flower of life on both sides. The idea is that this pattern helps to reprogram the energy on a cellular level.

And I thought "pishaw...a piece of paper? Have you lost your marbles girl??" But I am curious and delved into learning about it. I always did believe that thoughts create things and everything is energy that can be shaped for negative or positive. Anyway back to my friend. She bought these posters and placed some under her mattress, placed her jug of drinking water on one and her fruit basket. The results she was getting astounded me. She ended up sending me a box of these posters and said "Sherry people need to know about this!" Her original intention was for me to start selling these SG packs. But I wanted to test this first. And so I did...and I was amazed. I think what really did it for me was the "water test" You get two glasses of tap water. Place one glass on one of these posters for 30 minutes and the other you place at least 6 feet away on its own. I left it for 2 hours...because I forgot. I had a drink from the normal glass - yep tasted like good old derbyshire tap water...bleh. Then I tasted the glass that was on the SG and, to my utter shock and mazement, it tasted like it came from my brita filter jug! I did this about 6 more times because that skeptic kicked in and told me to.

Sometimes having this dual role is not so good because it has caused me, in the past, to ignore my own intuition even when it is screaming in my ear to NOT DO...... or DO.........

Boogirl part 2

2008-12-12T01:47:00.000-08:00

Fast forward from those awkward school days and here I am. 39, single (divorced) with a 10 year old son who I love to bits. I was born in the U.S and moved to the UK in 2002 with my then husband. It was a very bumpy road for me. But I grew to love living in the UK. It felt like home. Many people don't get that. They ask why I choose to live so far from family and friends and the place I grew up. No one in my family has ever been out of the country (well not on purpose - my brother is in the Army and he goes places) But I am an adventurer! Even when things went bad I did not give up trying to make a home here.

A few years ago I tried to start my own business. I had been reading tarot cards since 13 and along the way I learned so much about spirituality, metaphysics, and honed my own skills. I became a Reiki practitioner while I was still in the states and was reading at faires and a local occult shop there. All this around my tech support/customer service job. I have worked at normal jobs since I was 15 and when I came to the UK, and the divorce was finalized, I decided I wanted to follow my dream of helping people. I created my own website in 2004, grew a client base, started reading at faires here, did lots of e-mail readings, became a reiki master, and became more of a spiritual counsellor than a Tarot reader because I started using angel cards, faeries oracle, and runes. I truly enjoyed it and I wanted to become a grievance counsellor.

But somewhere this year I let life get the better of me and I withdrew. Reading for people started to drain me. I couldn't focus anymore and I found no joy in it. My life hit a breaking point this May and I had a spiritual crisis. I felt like a sham. How could I sit there giving advice through readings when my own life was such a mess? So I stopped. I took the site down. I still wrote a monthly newsletter for my clients who have stuck by me all this time! I would get the ocassional request for a reading which I did.

This past month I started pondering putting up my site again. I had a tough road there for a while but I had help and I feel stronger again. So last night I sat there and said...hell why not! And I opened up the site again. Let's see where this journey takes me.

What the heck is a Boo??

2008-12-12T01:20:00.000-08:00

Why, it's my nickname of course! "But why Boo?" you ask. "What does it mean?" you ponder.

I was given the nickname Boogirl many years ago, when I was in junior high school because of what others perceived as my fascination for the paranormal. But the story of why goes back even further than that. I could sit here and write about how my Great Nan was clairvoyant and a hedge witch, how "knowing" or "kenning" runs in my family. But this is my journey, my story.

I was very young when it all started...about 6 or 7 I think. But there were some "events" before I could fully comprehend and remember that my Mom told me about. Me piping up with an obscure message or two that later happened. There was one incident when I was about 5 and I started writing a message - I had not yet learned how to spell or write just yet, but there it was, clear as day - "I am here". That one was never explained to me but my Mom got very emotional at the time.

So in my young life I had all kinds of experiences. I would have visits from people we knew who had passed on. I would know by touching someone that they were ready to leave this world. I got quick flashes of events that were just about to happen around me. Knew who was on the other end of the phone before it rang. I could see araus or vibes from people. And it was all so confusing to me at the time. It was harsh for a kid so young to feel that. And people were not very open to it back then.

So one day I was sat at lunch in the school cafeteria. I briefly saw a "woman" who shouted at me that I needed to move and I saw a quick picture in my head of one of the boys throwing a ball across the room and it hitting the window above our heads...a lunch aid and my friend were sat in the line of glass that was about to go flying every where. I grabbed my friend, yanked her away and shouted at the lunch lady to move...she just looked at me like I had 6 heads. And seconds later, the ball struck, the window broke and she was showered in little shards of glass. She was ok! Lots of little cuts. She was more spooked than anything and just looked at me but didn't say a work. She never sat at any table I was at again either.

My friend was amazed and asked "How did you know?" And I tried to explain. Her reaction was "that is so cool" but my feelings were "it's so NOT!" because anytime anyone had an inkling of my unusual "gift" they went all funny on me. So I didn't tell many people. She asked me if I ever saw dead people and I admitted that I had. She asked "What do they say?" I said "BOO!" jokingly. She asked "What do you say to them?" I said "Usually Boo back. It's the standard greeting in spirit!" again joking around because I felt really uncomfortable. Well she told other people and hence the name "Boogirl" was born. I hated it at first but over the years it has grown on me and I have learned to embrace it.